Same procedure as last year Ms. Sophie? Same procedure as
every year!
Get on a train and go
We left off with the protagonist of the story on a train
bound for Cologne. I was quite proud of myself readers! I speak 10 words of
German and read EVEN LESS, but I managed to get to all my train connections on
time and figure it out! Thankfully I saw the best site ever as my train arrive-
my friend and her husband waiting for me on the platform!
Readers I am a very lucky woman. I met my friend Verena at
university, just one of the wonderful gifts undergrad gave me. And when she
knew I was moving to Europe she kindly offered to have me for Christmas. Now I
have spent years waiting for the time when I could spend a Christmas at home,
without the craziness (if you knew what my family used to be like, you’d
understand) but when the time came, that was the farthest thing from what I
wanted. I couldn’t wait to get to spend time with her in Germany.
How I felt being welcomed!
And it was a wonderful four days. The first day out we went
to the Christmas markets and I saw the
Christmas market with wine!
Cologne cathedral. I also tried gluwein,
which is this warmed wine with ameretto. It was delicious and warmed me right
up! The Christmas markets were packed, but gorgeous and so intricate. Each one
had it’s own theme and I can only imagine how long it would take to go slowly
through all of them! I got to try some German food and really enjoy the night
out.
SUCH GOOD FOOD
Then it was back to Verena’s parents house for the night! Her
parents are seriously two of the best people I have ever met. From the moment I
met them they were kind and generous, they were so gracious in having me and it
never bothered them that I don’t speak German. It honestly felt like I had
surrogate parents that I really loved being around. We discussed travel,
politics, the world in general, all while still telling stories to me about my
friend and discussing her daughter. I couldn’t have asked for a better family
to spend the holidays with. And boy were the holidays packed!!
There is Christmas eve in Germany, but then there are two
nights of Christmas. I will totally be instituting this when I get home! On
Christmas eve we stayed at Verena’s
Isn't it pretty?
parents house and we exchanged gifts before
dinner, which was really cool. Even though I am not actually family they gave
me this beautiful tin of cookies with a picture of the Cologne Cathedral on it
so I would always remember my time here! The dinner had more traditional foods
and honestly I couldn’t name half of them with correct spelling, but I know
that come November next year I will be messaging her for recipes and tips to
recreating parts of that meal! Really, really delicious. Then we all watched
this traditional movie that is in English but Germans watch it every year for
New Years. (I wasn’t going to be there for New Years so they watched it with me
then) It’s called “Dinner for One” and has this constant line: The same
procedure as every year. (This will also be a new tradition at home!)
We decorated the tree!
The next day was Christmas, everyone slept in and just
enjoyed. The day before we had been watching “Hook” at Verena’s and seriously
Steven Spielberg was making adultsequels to kids books before it was cool. It brought back a lot of good
memories and we were really able to enjoy it, while I kept the pacifier in her
babies mouth. That baby is seriously adorable!
For Christmas however we made sure the tree was decorated,
and I got to hold the baby more as
I ate so much
Verena and her husband set about preparing
for that nights meal as his family was coming over. It was the coolest dinner
ever. LEGIT. You had these mini pans and you filled them with different foods
like pineapple, peas, (meat if you eat it, which I don’t, so I didn’t) peppers,
just ANYTHING. Then you put cheese on top and place under this heated plate and
bam, awesomeness! Verena joked that my time in Germany was meant to help me
gain weight- mission accomplished!
Then second day of Christmas I got to meet many of her
husbands family members for lunch. Everyone thought it would be overwhelming
for me, but actually it reminded me of the holidays at home when my family
comes together for a sing-a-long after Christmas. I will share with you all a
not-so-secret, secret that just kind of goes against my personality: I LOVE big
families. Love them. I mean my personality fits that I like to stay quiet
sometimes, or that I tend to walk on my own a lot. But I love having a big and
different family. I love how different we all are, with varying interests, and
fantastic personalities. And being with his family was just great. Being with
both of their families was a gift I can only hope to pay forward one day.
My sister sent me a pic of my kitty at Christmas
I love playing holiday games!
After we finished there we went back to her parents house
for “trashy Christmas!” And no readers, I am not being ethno-centric. It’s this
family tradition they have that everyone brings a wrapped gift that is really
one of the worst things they had in their house. You role a dice and if you get
a certain number you pick a present, this goes on until everyone has a gift.
Then you role again and the present swapping begins! If you hit a certain
number you pass right, another number you pass left. It was great! I ended up
with this coaster set that her cousin said was her grandfathers, it looks like
an old fashioned clock. It was very fun, we just enjoy it immensely. Then it
was that sad time when it was all over.
I was grateful that I had so much time at night to spend
with her parents and discuss things, I really
Family is snuggly
felt at home. But then I had to
pack and prepare to leave. I never thought leaving would be so hard but it was.
And I insisted on a picture with her parents the next day before I left and
Verena took me to the train. I was also given a surprise when her mom gave me a
lunch package for my train! I really felt like a kid getting treats! I got on
my train, with some rather annoying people and prepared to see Belgium, one of
my families home lands. (Not as good as Ireland though, no other homeland is as
wonderful as Ireland)
This was me talking to the baby...yeah I listen
The time I spent in Cologne was brilliant. But aside from
the beauty of the holidays, time spent with the baby, and the joy of catching
up with my friend, there was so much more to this trip. It was really wonderful
to get to sit there and listen to German. I have never studied it but it was
great to just listen and enjoy, I didn’t know what was going on all the time
but sometimes that’s one of the best experiences you can have. Americans often
think we are the “best” because of our English, but I love these humbling
experiences when you realize that knowing English is good, but you need to be
open to other languages and cultures to truly be a “citizen of the world” and
John. F. Kennedy said. I was so sad to leave, but happy that I made it.
Relevant, but mostly here because I love them
Tonight's song is "Simple Joys" from Pippin. My friend Glenn sent me the new Broadway soundtrack just before I set out on my winters journey. It was sent to remind me I have "magic to do" and I found a lot of magic on this trip. But also it really is the simple joys in life that make it worth living, like Christmas with a family.
So if you are in my family you may or may not know about my
joke with my sister. I always told her I would steal her (not even in
existence) children “Franz-Fritz, and Heidi” and take them to Switzerland. You
may think that sounds insane but it all started when she decided her children
were never going to be allowed to see Santa Clause and well…it spiraled from
there!
But never in my dreams did I think I would make it to Zurich
as a young adult. I thought maybe when I was retired I would finally get there,
but I made it! For winter break I went from Zurich to Cologne to Brussels and
finished in Paris. That’s 4 fun posts about my shenanigans! Let’s get started!
An old building turned shop
The old city!
During the day I taught my literature classes and my wonderful students had surprises for me! A few gave me presents for Christmas! Two gave me a dream catcher to help with my nightmares, and two gave me candles with wishes so that I have a great new year! Then all my students lectured me about staying safe while away. They literally said "Anna, you are prone to accidents...so don't take any chances!" I wanted to tell them "I am the adult! I am supposed to look out for you!" But I couldn't weary as I am to admit it, their concern was deeply touching! As hard as I tried, I have to admit I am tremendously attached to my students. Wherever I go I see things that remind me of them, and I am faced with wondering if that will ever stop, I hope it doesn't honestly. I love how some of them have really opened up to me and how comfortable I feel with them. And each time I leave it gets harder.
I really almost cried
However I had planned me trip, no going back! I took a bus to Sofia, then got to the airport to stay up 10
miserable hours overnight in the airport. Yet again my trusty David Tennant kept
me awake as I prepared for my flight.
Me waiting...
I ran into some friends at the airport,
Victoria and Irma. We had flights around the same time and it was nice to have
friendly faces to wait with that last half hour. Not always great to be alone
with your thoughts too long. I had even considered just running away from my
gate and find a flight home instead. I know how badly my family missed me but I
knew if I didn’t take this leap I would never be able to truly be on my own.
Yep...basically
Thus, I boarded the plane and landed in Zurich! Which was
the easy part, the hard part was figuring out the trains I needed to take to
get to my hostel. Thankfully I met a family that spoke English and they helped
me out. Then it was up to stumbling around the old town until I found my
hostel. And boy was that old town gorgeous. Once I’d checked in and told my
family I was ok I hit the town. Just walking everywhere, until I got lost 12
miles away from where I was supposed to be. I mean seriously you take ONE WRONG
TURN. But then again no one should be surprised, I love getting lost. Only in
getting lost do you find out who you are.
Told you I made a friend!
A woman told me which tram to take and I was back in
business taking in the city, going to the Christmas festival and making friends
with seagulls. (Yes, you read that right. Seagulls. I have a fondness for them
ever since the Little Mermaid, which came out before I was born so read that “
I have always had a fondness for seagulls ;) )
I followed him for streets and he never knew. Future spy career?
The next day was interesting, I had taken in the Christmas
market, followed the marching Christmas band (In John Cleese style) and figured
out the super market. Then something completely unexpected happened: I met
someone. I met a guy, Luke. Just finishing up his internship in Geneva at the
United Nations. And it was fantastic to meet him. We discussed everything from
“gay” rights (SERIOUSLY IT IS HUMAN RIGHTS) to feminism, to just travel. Then I
showed him around. Bad idea, and seriously Luke if you read this ever, I DID
warn you that I always get lost!
We got there, just where the "there" was, didn't matter
I offered to show him the super market and we ended up
getting crepes in the train station which was
The park I where I claimed my bench!
gorgeous and so decked out. Then
we went to see about that circus that was in town. But since Switzerland is
exceptionally expensive we didn’t bother to buy a ticket, we were about to
leave when a man gave us a ticket for a free program. I now have a program I
can’t read but I will always remember how I got it!
I love bad ideas ;)
Then we stumbled around the park, stole a bench that I wrote
my name on and had a marvelous night just talking. The night ended with me showing him the
50th anniversary episode of Doctor Who (he asked, I swear, I didn’t
tie him to a chair or anything) and playing a fun mind game on his ipad. I love
intellectual games! We made a deal that if we saw each other in the morning as
we were both checking out to grab trains to Germany, me to Cologne, him to
Munich- then we weren’t figments of each others imaginations.
We met in the morning and went to the train station, I saw
him off on his platform since his train left 3 hours before mine and it was
Till we meet again
seriously like a scene from a movie. All I could think of was Mama Mia. I just
wanted to hop on the train and follow him, and he just wanted to meet me
somewhere along the way. But that’s life, we couldn’t. I still desperately
wanted to spend Christmas with my friend and her family, and he needed to see
his friends. But that doesn’t change what a beautiful memory it gave me. Watch
the clip below for the first 12 seconds to really understand this.
Found while lost!
Memories are the best souvenir
A few hours later I was on a train to Cologne, happy I had
seen such a beautiful, and historical city. And more so happy that I knew
myself even better. For years I told myself I would be horrible at even
considering companionship, but it was nice to feel like I wanted to follow
someone across the world, even to just pursue a wonderful friendship. Life, my
dear readers, will never cease to surprise me. If you are lucky, it will never
cease to surprise you.
Tonights song is Rewind because even though I have no regrets I would still like to rewind in my head and remember it all! No regrets ;)
Tomorrow starts my 6th month in Bulgaria. I know
I owe all of you tons of posts but I beseech you to understand just how worn
out I am right now. I returned from a marvelous break to work first shift
(7:15-1.) But so many teachers were out this week that instead of not working
Wednesday and Friday
Sure I can come up with all new lessons in 6 hours!
like I’m not supposed to I got to teach 12 extra classes
and officially get worn down.
Don’t get me wrong readers I loved it. They had me tell the
students that I’d be their sub and every class I told cheered and were very
happy. A huge change from September when I know half my students wanted me
gone. But when they tell me “they need a substitute or they don’t get English”
what am I going to say? No? ARE YOU CRAZY??? These kids need all the exposure
to English they can get and if it means I get a bit sick, or I can’t sleep;
then that’s fine. I just need to make sure they have whatever they need to
succeed. They can do it, they just need hope and consistency.
I love Bulgaria!
Tonight’s post is sad in many ways. It’s hard for me to explain
to people what I do and why I do it. That’s very difficult for me, It’s hard
for me when I talk to my friends or my family and they are counting down the
days to my return as if I will come back the same, or as if I want this to end.
In reality I don’t. I mean yes:
My oven is broken, my hot plate cord looks sketchy, my
washing machine broke, my refrigerator leaks, my freezer doesn’t freeze, my
toaster no longer toasts, my TV is broken, and I haven’t been paid in a month.
But I don’t really care about any of that. I care that today I taught my
students structural functionalism and how it relates to “The Scarlet Letter”
then I had them look at the pillars of society and figure out how they would
create their own “ideal” society. Those students got really involved. Some
debated what age you should have sex or how many kids you should be allowed
fervently, banging desks and swearing because they became so invested and
impassioned by the topic. I’m told all the time how teens are apathetic yet
today they heatedly debated whether or not you should be able to marry someone
of the same gender or not. A touchy subject in Bulgaria yet they were
fantastic. Truly fantastic.
We didn't debate Alien Love...
It’s difficult to explain to my friends and family that I am
coming home in July, but I’m not coming home the person I left as. I’ve
changed, I can’t go back all the way. At my core I’m the same, but so much
about me: how I function, what I believe has developed and I don’t know how to
really get them to understand. Last summer I loved hiding in my room trying to
block out everything that was going on, and now it makes me panic at the idea
of not being out in the world.
Bulgaria makes me feel calm
None of this is easy readers. I have nightmares all the time
that I didn’t make it in time to save my mom last May. I wake up screaming, get
up, pace around, try to sleep and fail. I think my students noticed that I’m
not well rested as two of them gave me a dream catcher for Christmas which I
have hung in my room and look at with pure affection since I can’t believe they
cared so much to give me such a thoughtful gift.
I have 450 Important people
But my CVS is acting up and I am ill every morning now, I go
to teach in pain and at night I am haunted by nightmares. It’s hard that I have
no one close to me here to go to. I broke down crying in the mall on Monday
just trying to cope with everything that is going on at home, everything I have
lost, and yet recognizing everything I have gained here. But with the
recognition of what I have gained comes more anger. So many people I know treat
this year of my life like a hiatus from my “real life,” instead of what it is:
a year of my life. My real life, no sabbatical, no hiatus, just me doing what I
truly want to do. They see my students as temporary “projects” or people who I
will leave in June. But the truth is that I will never really leave them, I
know myself very well and I know I will think about them every day, check in
with them ,return to visit them, host some in America, write letters of
recommendation, anything.
It has been such a hard journey of gaining their trust, or
even just getting them to do homework or care. But we’ve really had some great
breakthroughs in communication, and I refuse to treat them as a temporary state
of existence in my life, or as a project. They aren’t projects, they aren’t people
that I will just say goodbye to. Saying goodbye to them in June will
break my heart, and I know I will spend days grieving my departure home.
♪ I'd stay if I could
But the universe won't let me
So please be good
And don't you forget me. ♫♪
But it too makes me angry that not everyone cares for my
students as I do. I want to give them the
I've grown into mine here
world, I hate when I can’t do
something for them. I can joke with them, and be snarky, but every day I just
want to take tests for them so they don’t have to worry as much, or I design
lessons to give them a break and help them focus on their free will. These kids
deserve the best and all the time I was away I thought of them when I saw
anything I knew they liked or related to I just wanted to tell them.
Even if it's teaching high school
So I’m sorry friends and family, I know you want me home
sooner, and I know it’s hard for you that I’m away. I am sorry for that and
believe it or not I do believe I am selfish in my journey over here. But I
can’t come home yet, I have 450 amazing reasons to stay no matter how ill I
feel every morning, or how many nightmares I have that I can’t go to anyone
about. I’m not done here, I need to see this through and I am grateful for all
of you who support me in this, who recognize that this is who I am and who I
want to be. And very grateful to all of you who realize this isn’t just a “gap”
year of my life, it’s by far one of the most important years I will ever live and
I think it’s making me a better person. It’s hard being here trying to help all
my students while dealing with everything at home, it’s hard getting out of bed
some days; but I am truly happy here. It’s my home now, and I love it. I truly
do.
I am excited to start my 6th month here, I’m
excited to see what happens and how my students will grow in the next month. I
invite you readers to join in on my adventure and partake in my joy over here.
Just please, do so understanding that I’m not some 23 year old that took a
vacation, I’m having the adventure of my life and every time a student
understands one new thing I teach them I am revitalized that I made the right
decision.
Goodbye month 5, Hello month 6!
Ill be posting tons of updates once I’ve caught up on sleep!
But for tonight your song is “The Goodbye Song” because I had to say goodbye to
so many back home to say “Hello” to so many here.
I loved the 11th Doctor so much and understand his pain now when he must lose his TARDIS, the following is the the clip of her finally getting to say Hello, I never understood how powerful "hello" was until I moved here. <3 Anna
The blog post I know you all have been waiting for! The post
about my meeting my older, but much shorter, sister in London for: Harry
Potter, Doctor Who’s 50th Anniversary, site seeing, Les Miserables,
and her hen party!
24,000 people came to the 50th!
Les Mis!
I was really nervous getting to London as my flight was
delayed an hour and I didn’t want to miss anything we had planned in London.
But I made it in after buying an extremely overpriced water (to get a wifi password) to tryand reach my mom so that if my sister
checked in with her she could tell her I would be late, I waited for my flight.
It was a miserable flight but at least I arrived and could book it to the bus I
had booked a ticket on to get to my sister. Mind you I had to take a later bus
so when I got there I looked around my sister and right as I turn around there
she is! We did the typical movie run and jump into a hug. It was awesome, and
reminded me of the TV show Psych. We are so Shawn and Gus!
I met the 11th!
Then we headed to King’s cross station where we had this
fantastic meal at the Giraffe, and then had our picture taken at Platform 9 ¾. We
got to wear scarves and pretend we were pushing a cart, as my sister says I
always have a leg poised to look like I’m running. Maybe I’m just like the
Doctor, and I’ve been running for too long; but either way it was snazzy in the
picture. We headed back to the horrible hotel we were booked into that
literally had no heat, hot water, internet, manners or taste. But whatever, at
least we really got stuff done the next day!
Proud Gryffindor
Kate with the Clock!
We headed out to the Harry Potter studio tour, which was
amazing. I
grew up reading Harry potter and was turning 11 when the first film
came to cinemas. We got to see the actual Great Hall that they built with a
stone floor, the costumes, fly the Weasley’s car, hop on the Knight bus, taste
butter beer, and just do everything you can imagine. Harry Potter is one of my
all time favorite fandoms, I can’t explain it. I think it always gave me
comfort that you could be different and use that for good. But I worshipped
Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, and Remus Lupin growing up.
The Doors to the Great Hall!
So...no little mermaid?
It was great to get to go with my sister. I love traveling
alone, I don’t get lonely doing it. But it is still really nice to get to
experience things with others sometimes. Especially since Kate and I grew up
Potterheads. I remember she had used my library card once when the 3rd
book was out, and didn’t pay the fee. So I couldn’t check the book out, so
instead I stole her copy since she took FOREVER to read them! But we were
definitely potterheads. I even bought the 3rd book in the UK edition
to really get the full experience!
Originals!
Then it was time for the town, seeing the sites and grabbing
dinner before Les Miserable! I love that musical so much because it is about
revolution, and living for a cause. I actually hate the character Cossette and
have been known to scream at the screen: you are a pointless character! You
stand for nothing! When I was in London in 2011 I wanted to see the revival on
the West End but the one night I could go to the theatre was the one night they
were changing the sound system :(
Therefore, my sister found inexpensive tickets so that she could take me for my
Christmas present!
Don't blink near me!
Matt and Jenna laughing
It was fantastic! The slow motion choreography was mind
blowing, and the songs were perfect. I was just overjoyed at how fantastic that
show was. But we still had to make sure wegot to bed since the next day was THE DAY. THE DAY WE WERE
GOING TO MEET MATT SMITH!
Lizard lady!
Now ladies and gentlemen; new friend or old; fandom geek or
not; friend or foe; Dalek or Companion ;) if there is one thing that got me
through all my troubles in life, it is DOCTOR WHO. I am a true Whovian. In fact
I have waited over 8 years for something like this, something like the 50th
Anniversary of Doctor Who, and I was not going to miss it! It is everything I could
ever imagine attending.
The Silence saw me!
So we went, I bought tickets and Kate and I attended what
will be the biggest anniversary celebration in history. The anniversary we will
tell our children about! And it was wonderful. We sang happy birthday to “who,”
saw stunt performances, original doctors, original companions, anything and
everything.
Then came the moment we were waiting for, that I paid a lot
of money for: we were meeting
It was so cool!
Matt
Smith to take a photo with him. We waited in our line for 45 minutes making friends
with those around us. And I was trying to breathe as I had a plan to get him to
draw a bowtie on my wrist so I could get it tattooed. We rounded the corner,
and saw a girl hug him and how gracious he was. We saw his body guards get
defensive (understandable) we saw a group have him hold up a banner in Italian
for their photo and slowly we approached. I took out my tiny sharpie and hid it
up my sweater sleeve and when it came time I walked up to him and this is what
happened:
BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!
Me: Hi, would
you please draw a bow tie on my wrist so I can get it tattooed? I already have
an appointment in basically an hour.
The Body guard: That Is NOT appropriate-
Matt Smith (cutting him off): Yeah, sure. Fantastic.
Takes my wrist, starts to write his signature because the
body guard won’t stop, then realizes:
Matt: Oh, um, that’s not a bow tie, right I’ll just add this
(puts a tiny bow) right, that works?
Me: YES! It’s perfect
Body guard: you have 10 second to take this photo
Matt: Of course
Huge smiles, he touches my shoulder and I die
Body guard: You better never wash that hand
Matt (before I could answer): It’s alright, she has a tattoo
appointment it’s going to be alright, she’s all set!
He really does!
AND THAT IS HOW I GOT MY MATT SMITH TATTOO!!
Isn't is amazing?
I basically went out into the freezing London air with my
arm exposed so that I wouldn’t mess up the sharpie and got it tattooed! And I
love it, so much. Because here’s what that tattoo is:
Very true, and I try to remember it always
Everything that ever taught me how to be a person. To be the
person I want to be. Doctor Who taught me true humanity, it taught me how to
live in pain and with pain. How to run and how to stop running. How to never
seek revenge but instead seek peace. People don’t realize that I am able to let
go of bad things, pain, and sickness because Doctor Who taught me how. And I am
eternally grateful for that, I live by the motto:
They put fog on my feet!
This tattoo forever cements my choice to live for hope,
love, peace, reflection, and joy. I’m a whovian and I am proud to be. And being
at the 50th was the best experience I can ever recall. It’s hard to
explain but even while I was there I knew I was a part of something fantastic,
something major that will never occur again. I was with people who understood
me, in a community of appreciation for hope. I was home, and if you don’t have
something in your life that evokes that so strongly in you, you can’t
understand what I mean.
I went back again on Saturday and took a picture with the
Tardis, bought the 11th Doctors
50th coat!
50th anniversary bow tie
and coat, met the special effects team who put fog on my feet! And just took
in the end of my journey. I had been hoping for this for a long time, but like
Amelia Pond I was fine being the “Girl Who Waited.”
The 3 of us at Harrods!
Kate and I met back up at Harrods, to do dinner in the Tea
Room, where my mother and nana once ate. I brought a picture of the three of us
to try and include my mom; and my sister asked me to officially be her Maid of
Honor. Things we will one day tell her children about. Then we walked to the
London Eye, took our spin around the night in London and I (barely) stemmed off
a panic attack as I have a fear of barrier heights. (Only my Uncle George seems
to understand this)
I couldn't see Peter Pan, but he's there somewhere!
Kate! Get away from that glass!
We finished the night off with classic “Fish and Chips” in a
pub, while Kate tried a pint and just
West Minster!
enjoyed all that we had experienced. My
sister and I have never traveled together before, not without my mom there to
make sure we paused for every family photo. It was nice to just get time with
her, see Westminster with her, but also to be adults. You know I took the tube,
transferring stops, and getting to the Excel on my own, taking in the 50th
on my own; while Kate explored London more and we met up at Harrods. That’s
what adult siblings do, and it was nice to just be at the point in our lives.
It comes in pints? I'm getting one!
But sadly London had to come to an end and after being
attacked by the receptionist at our hotel who was high, tried to steal our
things, and was a nightmare- we got into a cab with a delightful cabbie who
offered to take us to get coffee so we wouldn’t be cold waiting for our 4:45 am
bus to the airport, and he wouldn’t charge us for the time. Yeah, we were
lucky! We got on our flight, after they totally disregarded that my bag was too
large technically, and we headed to Bulgaria so I could share my new home with
my sister and we could celebrate Thanksgiving!
To be continued in another post...(da-da-dum)
Goodbyes are so hard :(
Tonight’s song is"A Thousand Years" and yes these are videos with Doctor Who clippings. But see I would have waited a thousand years for the Doctor to save me, for the Doctor to come and tell me it was ok to be angry, or it was ok to be afraid. I would have waited a thousand years for him to instill this humanity in me that spurs me on and pushed me to move to Bulgaria to try and help someone, anyone, achieve their dreams. Sometimes, you have to wait for hope.
