And With Every Passing Hour, I'm So Glad I Left My Tower

It occurs to me that I never really tell you about day to day life here. It’s amazing. People here don’t walk fast like Bostonians do, and they don’t respect your personal space like New Englanders do (we stay a foot away, seriously you come within 12 inches of someone and you need to be really close friends.) People here live a really different life, and they have no issue whatsoever getting intimate with other peoples lives. For instance:

How I feel when speaking Bulgarian!

Or at least not 6 am!

Any whovian knows that when someone knocks 4 times on your door, you don’t answer because it has been prophesized that that foretells the death of the Doctor. Here in Bulgaria, unlike Boston, neighbors ring your doorbell all the time. And if you don’t answer that, because it’s 6 in the morning and you don’t have work until 1:15 p.m., they will then knock. But my neighbors don’t knock just once, they knock 4 times. I NEVER ANSWER. Can’t help it, it’s ingrained. But it’s also my personality and my background. I grew up in a situation that you couldn’t answer the door, it was too dangerous. If someone rang out doorbell I had to hide and call my parents to tell them so they could rush home and check it out. Here I live alone and it’s weird how safe I feel. You’d think it would be the opposite but here I just don’t worry, I take the normal precautions but I’m not laying awake panicking at night.

Me, alone on the lift!

But that doesn’t mean I just let go of my roots that easily. When someone rings the doorbell or even

Me.

when they get on the lift with me I go into total shut down mode. I just can’t deal with my space being invaded, and I don’t do well with meeting people I’ve never met that way. At a conference? Great. Work, perfect. Market place, sure. But literally one of my neighbors kept ringing my doorbell to try and get me to hang out with his son from America that I’m still not sure ever existed, I dodged him until he left Bulgaria. And I can’t help it, I just prefer to know when someone is visiting. Bulgarians don’t seem to understand that, and I have to admit while that can be agitating, having a neighbor just decide to ring my bell, talk to me in a language I don’t know and they know I don’t know it for 5 minutes, then turn around and leave while I’m more confused than ever; it’s still really pleasant. It’s a beautiful cultural interaction. Even though it's hysterical that when I tell them I don't understand what they are saying, they do what Americans do to foreigners (which I NEVER do out of protest,)  they speak louder thinking then I'll understand. Yep, seriously love the irony! But, every day that I can hold the door to the lift for the little old lady on my floor and make it easier for her, I feel happy. Not something I’d get in Boston. And as I have opened my door more and more I am happy to get to know people, and I have successfully explored so much of Burgas that I feel like I've "left my tower." ;)

Boston motto. Mostly I just like to look at him

Then there’s teaching. I can’t describe how amazing it is while being the single most frustrating experience of my life. Some of my students are just brilliant, I look at them and want to tell them that they could become political leaders, or rule the world. But at the same time I don’t want to rush their childhoods. There are hard moments like when most of my students don’t bring in their speeches and I have to fail them, or when half the class won’t stop talking and are horribly disrespectful so I can’t be who I want to be with them. I literally had to tell one of my 10th grade classes: I don’t like seeing you every week. I really dread it. And I hate that, and I dread it because you bring out my worst self. I can’t joke with you, I can’t let you get away with small things, I can’t breathe with you because if I give you an inch you steal home plate! I want to have fun with you while we learn, can’t you please try to understand that?

Eventually they did, and we have been able to transition into a good environment where some of them still act up but most try to get their work done so we can enjoy our time. Some of my students are just bright lights in my stay here. I’m working on learning all of their names, and I enjoy when they even say “hi” to me on the street. I like being able to be “casual” with them and still teach them

Creepy, but wonderful

what they need to know. I love getting to talk about Josh Whedon and Dr. Who and read them the Gashly Crumb Tinies and just include it all in my lesson plan so they learn but they learn in a fun way. 

My fave. He died of boredom!

This week I substituted for 6 lessons and it was hard, because I don’t normally teach them grammar and had never even seen their textbook. On one assignment I had them write out their hopes and fears for the future to practice future simple, and one boy said, “Can’t we just talk about it? Wouldn’t that be better?” Now I know a lot of them didn’t want to have to write, but I just lit up at the fact that 3 months ago I would need to pull teeth to get them to talk at all and now they were choosing it. 

My reaction to them wanting to talk!

What was even better was one of my students said that if she could hope for anything in the future it would be an end to racism, she was really explicit on hating how people are judged. Which lead to a debate about the gypsies who are hated here in Bulgaria and I tend to not discuss them with students. I agree there are problems but hating a group of people really sets my stomach on edge no matter what.

My first instinct to hearing this

 Unfortunately my students got rather heated about why it was ok to be racist against gypsies and one of my students said Hitler had the right idea and to exterminate them. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to tell them about how I still have nightmares of touring Auschwitz, about how I was asked to never learn German by a Holocaust survivor I know because he knew it to be that  “hateful language” (even though I find it beautiful.) Instead of getting angry, as the Holocaust historian who literally studied this in depth since 1995 inside me wanted to; I said ok let's talk about this. Yes you have some valid complaints, but how far are you willing to take those? Will you experiment on gypsies as Hitler did? To which they responded: no, he only experimented on Jews.

Now anyone who has studied the Holocaust or toured Auschwitz knows that to be a lie, but instead of getting angry again I recognized they were kids. They only know what they’ve been taught, so let’s teach them the truth. I told them all about my research on the Holocaust, I told them about traveling to Poland, I told them everything I thought they could handle and at the end they were so floored by what they never knew or what they assumed that they sat quietly thinking and I said: I'm not telling you, you can't dislike someone, I am merely telling you that all human life has worth and you damn well better consider that before you allow hatred to turn you into something you don't want to be.
They all agreed and there was this total transformation. I don’t think they would have even listened to me 3 months ago, this is a huge step. We have wonderful moments like this that make everything better.

Yay progress!

Then there are the frustrating moments that make me wonder if I will ever do any good. Like how I can’t get a classroom right now for my extra classes on Tuesday that I volunteer to teach. So I was told I could use the library. Then, I send the students there to meet me and arrive to be told the librarian is in Turkey and the library is locked. Which is when I want to explode. Who locks up a school library for a week? What do the students do? Where do they go for materials? Why can’t someone else unlock it? Why is it that if one person is out they are never replaced and so students suffer? I was ready to lose it when my students still wanted to study. So we ended up sitting on the bench on the second floor with out legs in the air while the janitor mopped under us, still having my lesson. It was completely worth it. Cultural adjustments need to be made, but sometimes I have to get angry first in my head then move on and keep perspective: I want to help these kids become fluent and I want to help them pursue their dreams. Suck it up Andrews.

Therefore whatever happens just go with it

Then today was the volleyball game. I was excited to be told by one of my students about it and asked the gym teacher how to get a ticket, she offered to bring me and I met her at school today. It was great! I got to cheer on my students and join in with my colleagues. I realized about 15 minutes in the gym teacher and I always had the same verbal reactions. We weren’t using words but sounds like “aaah!” or “ugh” and yet I love how those expressions transcend language boundaries and how we didn’t even mean to be the same. Really cool moment. But mostly it was just good to see my students supporting each other and get to talk to the vice Principal about the team. He even drove me home so I didn’t have to walk in the rain, and we talked about school pride and inspiring students to

Matt Smith Wants YOU! (I Wish)

attend more games. In Bulgaria, sports aren’t a huge thing at school. I kinda like that because I always hated how the cheerleaders and the jocks ran the high schools in America. Here there aren’t cliques like that, it’s a totally different feel. And while I love that, I still wish they were more into school pride. But I also noticed I started saying things like “they are killing us” or “we can do it.” It’s nice to really feel like a part of this school. It’s a dream come true.

So there you have it so far: I rarely answer my door, still take the lift alone, teaching can either make me want to sleep for days or rev me up, and I am finally feeling like I have a place here! Pretty great so far ;)

My Mantra!

Highlights of the week:

(I was sitting under the map on the wall, where it says Colombia and someone wrote “cocaine”) student: You have cocaine in your hair.

“It’s my new conditioner”

Me: Puts the cards away!

Student puts them away then another student walks into my room and asks to borrow them and everyone laughs

Me: Well, they aren’t out anymore at least!

Me: Why do you all always swear in English??

Student: it’s English class we like to be consistent

Me: How thoughtful

Student: We don’t have baseball in Bulgaria but I’ve heard about the Yankees, can you tell me about them?

Me: I’m from Boston, so to me the Yankees will lose to us every time and can’t play. I’m sorry, that’s just how it is…kinda awkward.

Student: So your team is better?

Me: (paused for morals check, then decided to forget it) Yes, yes it is.

 

Final thoughts on leaving my flat some days

Tonight’s song it “When will my life begin?” from Tangled, which I remember seeing in a theater in Main with my dear friend Cayla Thompson! I remember seeing this scene and wondering “when will my life begin really?” and I can say that after the game today I know my life is well under way!

Anna