Monday, August 19, 2013

There's Only Us, There's Only This, Forget Regret- Or Life Is Yours To Miss


Narrator: Winnie Foster was to be sent 500 miles away to be educated, but what her parents didn't understand was that she only wanted to step outside her fence... so she did. 


This is from the movie (based on the book) Tuck Everlasting where Winnie Foster is born into an elite family that wants her to grow up into the perfect socialite, when all she wants is to explore the world. I understand that 1000%. It was hard for my family to let me go when I wanted to grow and travel because they wanted me there and safe, where my illness wouldn’t potentially get aggravated. But in college my family made the leap and I stepped outside my fence.

The story is based on this family that accidentally became immortal by drinking from a tree stream and cannot die. Jesse Tuck falls in love with Winnie when he finds her in the woods lost, and needing to protect their secret from the outside world, they keep her at their home for weeks trying to trust her and get to know her before returning her to her parents out of fear they will be hunted down. In this time she is able to be the 15 year old she wants, playing, asking questions, and learning. But when her parents are informed where she is by a man who has tracked the Tucks just wanting their secret she has to make the decision to quickly drink the water and be immortal or think some more.
Later it (the opening quote) continues by saying “What in these quiet woods should be so forbidden? Winnie had always sensed a mystery waiting for her there.” I wanted to see what the mystery was out there, and once I made my first journey alone there was no going back. Every bus stop, window, crevice, synagogue, museum, cafĂ© conversation was another mystery that I wanted to encounter. It is hard o explain that to you if you do not have the drive to explore that I have, if you do not have the curiosity that I have or the need to find answers, but more so to ask questions and be open to the answers.

Rebecca, Aviva and I were discussing this story today and how important it is to not just exist but to live, and how important this story was to us during our formative years and still in living our lives. I always think back to a scene near the end of the film where the Winnie has stayed with the Tuck’s for weeks and was “liberated” back to her home away from the people she had grown to love and knowing she must drink from the tree of eternal life if she was ever to see them again. Her mother just looks at her and says:
Mrs. Foster: [at her mother's funeral] Every time I look at you, you're different. I'm losing you, too.
Winnie: I'm right here.
Mrs. Foster: Forgive me, Winnie. I just wanted to keep you my little girl forever.
I think this is very poignant for any young woman. We grow up wanting to step as far into the world as we can, but at the same time we want to be there. It is hard for me to be here and yet want to be there with my mother right now. I want to be so many places and yet there is still a part of me that wants to be able to stand there and say I am right here. But as we grow up we merely need to adapt our lives to what “here” can mean. Here can mean so many things. Here an be that I am here as myself, I am here for you, I am here completing my life journey, I am here a citizen not just of a country but of the world and every where I am I bring my: past, my being, my faith, my love, my passion, my history, my humor, with me.


While so many girls end up in that scary place of wanting to be beyond the fence yet still screaming I am here! Our discussion at lunch today helped me feel even more connected to my fabulous colleagues, but also helped me renew my promise to inspire young women and help them pursue their own “here” and grow as Winnie did.

Angus Tuck: Don't be afraid of death, Winnie. Be afraid of the un-lived life.

It is funny the way we live life here. We are sequestered for now, while we dream of the things we will do, the places we will travel, and the lives we hope to impact. But we live. We focus on always dreaming and planning. I am sitting here on the second floor lounge waiting for my turn in the “confessional” that Sarah has persuaded us all to do. Alex K is sitting here joking about marrying Blaine who I sent a One Republic picture to today! I am going to be the flower girl in the wedding! But we are here bonding while we still interact with everyone around us. Many of the FISI participants are from all around Europe and we have conversations at the weirdest times. I was in the traditional sauna and one participant talked to me all about Eastern Europe and my project and how much I will enjoy where I am. Or the woman who gave me a massage today conveyed that I am “bony” to me. We are lucky to get to interact at meals with so many nationalities and truly broaden our horizon. I know that every Bulgarian Language Class my professor says the funniest things that truly make me question how genders are truly viewed here. This is a masculine society yet while teaching the gender conjugations she says “everything that is female is simple and beautiful, everything that is male, messes it up.” I’m not sure she realizes how much we enjoy her comments!
But we live here. This is my home now, I am here for a mere year and there is no fence anymore to keep me in, and no fear of living to keep me from exploring.

Tonight’s song is “Life Support” from RENT where a group of people facing death continue to affirm life in their own group of “here.” Here is to you pursuing your own “here!”
Anna
 Side note, Youtube was hating me tonight, so please just google "Life Support, RENT' to see it!


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